Saturday, January 01, 2005

meanie me

potah.

there's my first word.

why did i start on this? wala lang.. i was thinking about doing it for a while now. i like that i could ramble all i want to the world (there's this strong feeling that it is NOT just for myself BUT ALSO for THE WORLD, you know, it is the world wide web), and still get the feeling of writing for myself.

two things i like about this is that its --
1. a very reliable form of diary (won't get lost just like that)
2. cute

two things i don't like about this is that it's --
1. public (subject to scrutiny)
2. usually written in "cute" english (at least pwede ako mag-potah nang mag-potah ok lang naman diba. and there, my first self-contradiction)

anyway i'm writing here and it's because i decided on it. now people will get to see how i think, how i always contradict myself, just how good and just how bad my thoughts are. just how nice and how mean i am.

you know i've read quite a few blogs now. from saudi pips, from arcadia pips, from other up pips, from other peeps. this blog thing and then there's the friendster thing. they're funny. they're funny because people could really see through the words, the pics, the images. and no matter how we all try to personalize our "accounts", how some people try to be as honest as possible, how some people try to be as modest even... some harsh truth comes out.

i don't really want to be the kind of person to judge other people. but in all honesty, i am quite judgmental. and sometimes i just think... AT LEAST i'm honest about it (there are very few who's really convinced me that they're not judgmental to a certain degree). anyway, my point is that there are really some people who "brag" in they're own little ways through the blog, through friendster, blah blah. it's funny... they try to be casual about it like it's something that just slips 'cause "aww.. it's just so normal, it's me." here are just some examples:

• this girl uploaded pictures of herself in her "favorite" (as she herself said so) branded (yes, in LOUD print) shirt, including that of the brand's boutique window showing there's a sale. and in her profile, she mentioned all the most "exquisite" food, restaurants, places and hobbies she could muster. even in all the "testimonials" she gave her siblings, she expicitly mentioned her being a "shopaholic", etc., etc. she said all these in a very "casual" manner.
• this guy who has always been known as a "dumb jock" back in high school is now a law student in a not-so-prestigious school. in his profile, his favorite books are "law books", his favorite hang-out is the “law library” and the "gym", his hobbies include “reading law books” and "working out" (repeatedly), his picture is of himself topless and showing off all his muscles.
• this girl who has always been known to be "promdi" subtly shared her "driving" stories. but read this. she really, really talked about it every chance she gets in her account. like how it's one of her hobbies, how she's "getting used to being behind the steering wheel." you know.

there are really many more. and i'm guilty of this myself. i edited my picture so that my face would look longer (rather than round). I increased the contrast level and made it grayscale so that my face would appear well-contoured, etc. is it lame or what?

reason for this? see, friendster is like a "reunion" place where people get to see pictures and read about long-lost friends. people search old friends and try to find out if they've changed or what. and when people look at the accounts of other people, it's in private, so they can stare all they want and look up all the links and testimonials - and form new opinions. so if you had something like a bad rep back in high school, friendster's your chance to tell them these things:

• i'm not geeky anymore / i'm popular now / i'm cool / i lost weight / i'm a late bloomer after all (addressed usually to many)
• i'm very happy now / i'm happily married / i have adorable kids / i ended up with the guy / girl of my dreams (addressed usually to your ex or your ex's new beau or someone like that)
  i got rich / i got what i want after all / my career is on track / (read: hey, this is a picture of my new flashy car, this is my occupation, blah blah)
  

i guess it's really normal. very human. like i said, i'm guilty of this. i suppose i just wanted to share my thoughts. thing is, i'm pre-empting things. yes, yes.. i am being paranoid. but this is the only way i know of that could really break the ice and let me be able to "go-with-the-flow" in future blogs. i really shouldn't worry how people will react to what i'm thinking or writing about, this is MY BLOG. but i have to do this so that if anyone finds anything more than what i'm explicitly saying, then it could probably just be so. i could mean it. i could even have planned on it. awww, just don't read my mind anymore (even if i'm guilty of this myself). i'm here, and i'm opening my thoughts. and shit. potah. my first blog's just so....

...oh man, i'm mean.

...very mean.

the demon's probably getting into me.

Posted by xam :: Saturday, January 01, 2005 :: 0 Comments:

Post a Comment

---------------------------------------