STRIPES & POLKA DOTS

STRIPES & POLKA DOTS

Shapes and colors make me happy. I like abstract paintings. I like Picasso. I like solid colors - blue, red, yellow, green and orange. Sometimes I like neon. I like geometric lines and shapes. I'm particularly fascinated with squares. Not so much with waves and unclosed curves. I don't like Baroque-inspired designs. I don't like paintings of the Madonna and Child, farmers in the field, flowers in vases, and fruits in baskets. They hurt my eyes.

Name::xam
From::Metro Manila, Philippines
i'm a pirate at heart. i'm smart, ruthless and greedy. yesterday i navigated the seas and my comrades died in battle. today i am trapped in davy jones' locker. but tomorrow i will find gold, i will be free and i will roam the seas again.
Learn more about Sam

my multiplication table

wench

myu

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge
That myth is more potent than history.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts -
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And I believe that love is stronger than death."
~Robert Fulghum, It Was On Fire When I Laid Down On It

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You Belong to Me

See the pyramids around the Nile
Watch the sun rise
From the tropic isle
Just remember darling
All the while
You belong to me
See the market place
In old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember
When a dream appears
You belong to me

And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too

Fly the ocean
In a silver plane
See the jungle
When it's wet with rain
Just remember till
You're home again
You belong to me

Oh I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too

Fly the ocean
In a silver plane
See the jungle
When it's wet with rain
Just remember till
You're home again
You belong to me

****

What's Up

Twenty - five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
And I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
Ooh, ooh ooh
And I try, oh my god do I try
I try all the time, in this institution
And I pray, oh my god do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
Twenty - five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination

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Saturday, October 08, 2005
Sink or Swim

My guess is that meaning gets lost in the details.

My meticulous way of looking at life has diminished my purpose into nothing. My fantastic vision of what my life would be, has reduced me into an ambitiously unsuccessful jack-of-all trades. Worse, a useless joker in a deck of casino cards.

I think I may have daydreamed too much, planned too much, shared too much. Now I’m thinking too much. In all these excesses I have drowned in confusion and lost my self.

Our high school guidance counselor telling me during career counseling that I could “excel” (I assumed she also meant “succeed”) in anything I wanted to get into may have been my life’s curse. It ushered me into the world of complacency, assured that nothing could go wrong in anything I’d choose to do. I never even made a conscious, deliberate decision in choosing a college course. I don’t know if she’d been wrong after all. She could have said SOMETHING specific. I would have pursued it with all the passion required. (Now I remember my Grade 5 teacher telling me to look first before I dive --- I keep jumping even if there’s no water in the pool. That kind of confidence will get me nowhere.)

Well now I realize after seven years, our guidance counselor might as well have said I’d suffer a life of mediocrity for being good at everything* (which is really not what I had planned and worked my ass for. Thanks, but no thanks, Aristotle.). I heard once that people tend to be happy in what they’re good at. This means my happiness could have been everywhere, but for lack of comparison, I’m no different from a fish unaware that water exists. You don’t know it exists, you’ll never find it.

So maybe that’s why I’m in this abysmal state. I found out that beyond the waters I’ve been living in, there’s air. I’ve been plain happy all my life (not that I’m an ingrate). But there is greatness and there is loss. I’m caught smack in the middle of it all, and I’d die outside water. The best I’d get is swim around a bowl forever and watch how other creatures fly, walk, dance, and swim like myself. And I have to keep swimming, lest I sink…. Or float. I don’t even know which is worse.

*DAW.

Posted by xam :: Saturday, October 08, 2005 :: 0 Comments:
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