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Sunday, January 02, 2005

7.23.2002 blog

im getting fuckin bored. pagkasama ko si ibn, ok.. parang alaws problema. pag wala... naiiisip kong nananawa na ako sa gntong buhay.. gimik's like, BORING na rin. mapavideoke, billiards, bar --- wala na epekto. buti nga, i find joy kahit papano just watching movies and doing simple stuff with ibn. i like going home now sa paranaque. you know, parang naghahanap na rin ako ng comfort of a HOME?! kasawa na tong freedom na to. i wanna go to saudi and be with my parents for a while.. damn, i dunno anymore.

i dunno if i wanna finish this damn fine arts degree. sure, i wana get into advertising, but hell!! kung pwede na akong makapasok ngayun without all the hassle of getting this FA degree, then by all means!!! im tired. im sick of the the weirdos in FA. napakatemperamental ng mga prof ko. and everyone's like... i'm COOL, i'm unique, i'm different, i don't conform. DAMMIT. the same line from everyone. still stereotype. you have to be weird to be in. rules to fit in. hahaha. talk about being diverse! wala rin. pareho lang. standards pa rin.

i wanna work na. but damn!! im so scared of the responsibility din. so afraid of change. so afraid i won't get to work on time. so afraid id change into someone so mature. wanna be young. but then, also tired of being young. so immature. so useless to my family. have to earn.

what i want is... just be a BUM! just BUM around. minus all the guilt that goes with being a bum. haay... my parents will kill me if i end up just being a bum.

i wanna get married. i wanna make so many kids and be a housewife. a damn pretty housewife. just make a nice home, cook good food and make myself pretty. have cool parties, invite friends over, and show-off all my wealth, my kids, my goodlooking, loving, extremely sexy and CAPABLE husband. hahahahahah. so damn bored. so damn fucking bored.

i wanna do drugs. i dream of doing drugs. i dream of getting all high and crawling up a slope that's flat after all. i dream of salivating and just laughing at all the drool. i dream of renting a place for a night for 250 pesos, with the condition that i throw a party and invite the landlord. ha. stupid, lucid dreams.

i wanna travel. i wanna disappear from the world, take ibn with me, and cruise. i wanna go to all the beaches and get a nice tan. i wanna taste sand. wanna scrub myself with soft, white sand. i wanna get laid on the beach with a nice campfire burning nearby.

i wanna sleep. i just wanna sleep and sleep and sleep. i like sleeping. i get to dream about many things, different things. i get to be different kinds of people. one time i dreamt i was jennifer lopez. i honestly did.

i wanna rest. gotta go.

Posted by xam :: Sunday, January 02, 2005 :: 0 Comments:

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