Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Changing the Changing Habit

Being a law student at the UP College of Law is the only thing that feels like I could sustain doing for over a year since 2002, aside from being Ibn’s girl friend, that is. It seems like I could sustain it, and I cross my fingers I could, because since I graduated last 2002, everything else in my life has been changing in less than a year’s time. And I just want to stay put for a while and smell the roses.

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I’ve lived in the following places:

Bldg. 7 at the UP Bliss (June 2002 – October 2002)
Our house in Paranaque (November 2002 – May 2005)
Pearlmont Inn in Cagayan De Oro (May 2005 – July 2005)
Hatrima Apartment in Cagayan De Oro (July 2005 – October 2005)
Fabe’s Apartment in Cagayan de Oro (November 2005 – February 2006)
An apartment at Novaliches (March 2006 – August 2006)
Bldg. 5 at the UP Bliss (August 2006 – October 2006)
Bldg. 23 at the UP Bliss (November 2006 – present)

God I wish I’d stay for the next 4 years here in our apartment in UP Bliss, but I’m starting to itch.

I’ve taken the following courses:

Bachelor of Fine Arts at the University of the Philippines College of Fine Arts (June 2002 – October 2002)
Certificate of Web Technologies at the NIIT in Makati (October 2003 – July 2004)
Bachelor of Laws at the University of the Philippines College of Law (June 2006 – present)

God I wish I’d stay for the next 4 years at the UP College of Law. I wish I don’t quit on it. I wish I don’t get kicked out.

I’ve had the following jobs / rackets:

Promo Dimensions, Inc. (March 2003 – July 2003)
Filia Foods, Inc. / Go Nuts Donuts (October 2003 – January 2004)
NHIS Project (January 2004 – March 2004)
Universal Robina Corporation (April 2004 – April 2005)
Colgate-Palmolive Philippines, Inc. (May 2005 – February 2006)
Splash Corporation (February 2006 – June 2006)

God I wish I’d find a job in the near future where I’ll stay for MORE than a year. That’s why I’ve been afraid to find a job.

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I now have fine lines. God I'm aging. I have fine lines around my eyes. I do think my face has sagged a bit. I'm sure my body's sagged too. And I haven't even married yet.

I’m curly now, and my hair’s quite long. I used to have short, straightened hair. I want to keep my hair now.

I gained almost 20kg in the past 5 years from my benchmark – graduation of 2002. I’m down to 6kg above benchmark. I’m doing pretty good here.

Things that haven’t changed in the past 5 years:

Ibn remains to be my boy friend. Going stronger? I wish so… :)
Enuh remains to be my best friend. :) Best na nga, pero even better.
I still go to the arcade. Life still isn’t complete without having at least an hour of tambay at the arcade.

I’m really tired. Of all the changes in my life. I don't understand why I still itch for changes. I don't understand why I still can't stay put. Why I still keep on searching. Why I doubt the things that show some semblance of stability. Why I have to create my own problems. Why I have become an escapist.

I want to stay put. I want to stay here at the UP Bliss. I want to finish law school. I want to follow through with my commitments, such as with Portia. I love Portia. I want to keep Enuh as my best friend. I want to keep Ibn as my boyfriend. I want to marry him, for God's sake.

Though I still itch, I’m trying. I’m trying to get the hang of stability. There’s been too many changes in my life. I’m in my late twenties, soon. Before I know it, I’m thirty. I NEED to have some stense of stability. I NEED to stay put for a while. I NEED to follow through. I NEED to grow up.

God help me be strong.

Labels: pondering

Posted by xam :: Tuesday, July 31, 2007 :: 0 Comments:

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