Shapes and colors make me happy.
I like abstract paintings. I like Picasso. I like solid colors - blue, red, yellow, green and orange. Sometimes I like neon. I like geometric lines and shapes. I'm particularly fascinated with squares. Not so much with waves and unclosed curves. I don't like Baroque-inspired designs. I don't like paintings of the Madonna and Child, farmers in the field, flowers in vases, and fruits in baskets. They hurt my eyes.
I.AM.SAM
Name::xam From::Metro Manila, Philippines
i'm a pirate at heart. i'm smart, ruthless and greedy. yesterday i navigated the seas and my comrades died in battle. today i am trapped in davy jones' locker. but tomorrow i will find gold, i will be free and i will roam the seas again. Learn more about Sam
"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge
That myth is more potent than history.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts -
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And I believe that love is stronger than death."
~Robert Fulghum, It Was On Fire When I Laid Down On It
****
You Belong to Me
See the pyramids around the Nile
Watch the sun rise
From the tropic isle
Just remember darling
All the while
You belong to me
See the market place
In old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember
When a dream appears
You belong to me
And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
Fly the ocean
In a silver plane
See the jungle
When it's wet with rain
Just remember till
You're home again
You belong to me
Oh I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
Fly the ocean
In a silver plane
See the jungle
When it's wet with rain
Just remember till
You're home again
You belong to me
****
What's Up
Twenty - five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
And I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
Ooh, ooh ooh
And I try, oh my god do I try
I try all the time, in this institution
And I pray, oh my god do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
Twenty - five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
This is more like it. Sitting on the floor in a dark cold room listening to soothing music through a headset, volume to the maximum, with a laptop serving its real purpose – to be on a lap while the user taps away…
In this state, I think like I am thinking right now, I feel like I am feeling right now and I exist like I am existing right now. I become almost real in the dark.
The bright world outside isn’t real. It’s only a movie I’m watching, where I’m an audience in a theatre filled with people who are so involved in lives not even their own. What’s real is only this, the me inside this body. This body isn’t real either. I can’t feel it unless I’m uncomfortable with it or something in it hurts.
It is only me and my thoughts and my feelings and my dreams. I know when I sleep I truly exist. When I dream I live my real life, the life I am in control of. In my dreams I defy the laws of physics and the laws of man in the world outside, and I live in the boundless world created solely by myself.
I know in my dreams, it is only I that is real, and everyone and everything else aren’t. And I know that is when all my inhibitions are stripped off to the core that is me, and I am able to live out all my longings and fears. I experience my self for what I really am, what I’m made of and what I’m capable of.
Perhaps dreaming is the closest thing there is to the hereafter. When I have nightmares, I know I’m given a dose of hell. And when I dream sweet dreams, I know I taste a bit of heaven. For what is sleeping but dying for a short while? And what is the hereafter but a life where only we are real and everything else is created by our mind? They say the hereafter is all that truly matters, maybe then I should just keep on dreaming.
In the dark where I see nothing, I stare into black space and then I start to live my life. In the dark where I see nothing but this dark screen and the keys on my laptop, I think like I am thinking right now, I feel like I am feeling right now and I exist like I am existing right now. I become almost real in the dark. When I sleep, I get even closer. And when I die, I know, I will become real.
But for now, it’s good night. Wish me sweet dreams as I wish you that too.
Post Notes: (1) I realize now if, and that is a big IF, I commit suicide, my suicide note would probably be something like this. (2) Maybe the world outside is real, in that it’s God’s dream. And when we dream, the people in it are just like us in this life, feeling so real but really just characters in someone else’s dream.
Posted by xam ::
Tuesday, January 24, 2006 ::
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